


Substitute Teacher

by naggeluide



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Episode: s03e02 The Headband, Fire Nation school shenanigans, Gen, Humor, comedy based on other comedy, inspired by Key and Peele, it's exactly what it sounds like
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:34:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25839673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/naggeluide/pseuds/naggeluide
Summary: "You done messed up A-A-ng!"
Comments: 13
Kudos: 134





	Substitute Teacher

It was Aang's second day at school, and already they were getting a substitute teacher! He wasn't sure exactly what this meant, but he'd heard the stories from his buddy Kuzon back in the day. Bumi, too, had mentioned them once in passing, and he'd had so much fun pranking them that Aang had been momentarily jealous.

"It's the best," whispered Shoji excitedly from the seat behind him. "They usually give up around halfway through the morning and just let us out for extra-long recess!"

Recess was Aang's favorite period so far, so he nodded enthusiastically, feeling the tails of his headband flap in excitement as the substitute teacher entered.

"All right, listen up y’all," barked the man. He was a tall man, outfitted in what looked more like a Fire Nation Army uniform than what yesterday's teacher had worn. "I’m your substitute teacher, Mr. Lee." He wrote his name in big letters across the chalkboard, then scowled down at them. "I taught school for twenty years in Caldera City, so don’t even _think_ about messing with me."

Aang stifled a giggle. He'd felt more intimidated by Zuko, and Zuko was just a teenager! Also, he could immediately think of about twenty ways of messing with Mr. Lee.

"You all feel me?" Mr. Lee roared, slamming his hands down on the desk. Behind Aang, Shoji yelped. "Okay, let’s take the roll here. Write your names on this board then hand it back up to me."

Aang quickly scribbled his name on the slate, feeling important as he handed it along. Being the Avatar didn't give him as much opportunity as he would have liked to sign his name on important-looking documents. That much, the monks had gotten wrong about his Avatar education.

"Kelly, where’s Kelly at? No Kelly here? Yeah?" asked Mr. Lee.

Students were looking around in confusion, and Aang joined them. Sure, he didn't know all his classmates' names yet, but that was one strange-sounding name.

A girl at the back of the classroom hesitantly spoke up. "Uh, do you mean, Kiyi?"

Aang sighed with relief. Of course he meant Kiyi! That was a pretty common girl's name in the Fire Nation, and Kiyi was nice and very good at hide-n-explode. Aang couldn't wait to get to know Kiyi better during their extended recess.

"Okay, so that’s how it’s going to be, you all want to play?" snarled Mr. Lee, much to Aang's confusion. "Okay then; I got my eye on you, Kelly!"

Kiyi shrank down into her seat, but Mr. Lee had already progressed to the next victim.

"Sean Jim, where is Sean Jim at? No Sean Jim here today?"

Aang had no idea what noises were coming out of Mr. Lee's mouth. The other students looked just as puzzled.

Behind Aang, Shoji raised a hand.

"Yes, sir?"

"My name is Shoji."

Mr. Lee exploded. "Are you out of your God damn mind? _Shoji?_ What? Do you want to go to war, Sean Jim?"

"No," pleaded Shoji.

"Because we could go to war! Everything changes when the Fire Nation attacks! Including a dumb-ass name into a real-sounding one!"

"No," protested Shoji once more.

Aang was pretty sure he was breathing out steam now, and he barely had a day's worth of firebending training under his belt, so this could end badly for everyone. He forced himself to give Mr. Lee the benefit of the doubt -- things must be done very differently in the Fire Nation capital, judging by how Zuko and Azula turned out -- so this all had to be a misunderstanding, right?

"I’m for real, I’m for real, so you better check yourself!" threatened Mr. Lee, before his tone lost some of the aggression as he read the next name on the list. "Angie, is there an Angie? If one of y’all say some silly-ass name, this whole class is going to feel my wrath! Now: Angie?"

"Do you mean On Ji?" asked On Ji.

The aggression came back in an instant. Mr. Lee broke the slate over his knee, pointed a finger at On Ji, and shouted. "Oh, no. You say your name right, right now!"

"On Ji," repeated the girl, stubbornly.

"Say it right?"

"On Ji."

"Correctly."

"On Ji."

"Right."

"On Ji."

"Right."

On Ji sighed in defeat. "Angie?"

"That’s better, thank you." Mr. Lee smiled. Aang didn't like that smile. "Now a A-A-ng, where are you? Where is a A-A-ng right now, no A-A-ng, huh? Oh, you better be sick, dead or mute, A-A-ng!"

Oh monkeyfeathers. In his excitement, Aang must have forgotten he was going by Kuzon. "Here!"

"Why didn’t you answer me the first time I said it?"

"Huh?" said Aang. He'd been listening for whatever mutilation of Kuzon would come out of the man's mouth.

"I’m just asking," said Mr. Lee, conversationally. "I said it like four times, so why didn’t you say it the first time I said, A-A-ng?"

Whew. At least it seemed like Mr. Lee was open to talking about it. "Because it’s pronounced Aang. Like, as in Avatar Aang?"

Mr. Lee turned back to his desk, swept a stack of writing materials off of it onto the floor with a loud crash, and roared. "Son of a bitch! You done messed up A-A-ng!"

Aang gulped and immediately engaged his most innocent, can't-possibly-be-the-Avatar face that he'd had a lot of practice at recently. His heart was pounding though, and his hand was feeling for the bison whistle in his pocket… crap, Sokka was going to be so mad that they'd gotten found out already, and Katara would give him that _disappointed_ look…

"Ain't no upstanding Fire Nation citizen, colonist or not, gonna name their kid after the Avatar!"

Aang let out a sigh of relief as a nervous laugh, rubbing the back of his neck. "Right," he agreed. Was that too quick? "Of course not."

"Now take your ass on down to Kevin’s office right now, and tell him exactly what you did!"

Aang's heart sank immediately. How was he in trouble again? Yesterday in the fight with Hide, today for… whatever he'd done.

Or maybe he wasn't in trouble, as he had no idea who this Kevin was. "Who?"

"Kevin."

"Headmaster Kuzon?" another student supplied.

"Get out of my Spirits-damned classroom before I break my foot up in your ass! Insubordinate and churlish!"

Aang got, but the next name Mr. Lee said made him pause at the door.

"Hyde?"

Aang expected the fierce, possessive boy to put up a fight, but it looked like Hide was finally cowed. "Present."

"Thank you."

* * *

"Mr. Wang Fire. Mrs. Sapphire Fire."

Katara was one hundred percent certain they were about to get found out because of the ridiculous names she and Sokka had introduced themselves to the substitute teacher with. Well, it was one hundred percent Sokka's fault, but she would still waterbend them out of trouble if necessary because that was just the kind of good person and devoted sister she was.

"How's a pair of upstanding Fire Nation citizens with perfectly normal-sounding names like yourselves give your kid a whack-ass name like Aang?"

**Author's Note:**

> A good 85% of the dialogue is taken directly from Key and Peele's original Substitute Teacher sketch.


End file.
